The call no one wants is also the call many donor conceived people never get.
Nobody wants the call—the one you get when someone is seriously ill or has died. But for donor-conceived people who can’t find their close genetic relatives or are rejected by them when they do, the dreaded yet important phone calls never come.
I was setting up Google alerts the other day and the thought crossed my mind that perhaps I should set up a Google alert for my biological father’s name so that I will know if and when he should pass. Let me say that again, and please read it slowly. I thought about setting up a Google alert so that I will know if my biological father dies. Why? Because nobody is going to call to tell me if and when it happens.
Someone out there is wondering why I would need this information. First of all, I’m not a heartless jerk. Despite everything, he’s someone I still care about and would mourn. But perhaps the unemotional, logical reason is easier to understand. We should all at least know the age and cause of death of our genetic parents because it has implications for our own health.
I hate that I ever had this thought because this should not be an issue. As horrible as a phone call is when someone dies, it’s still preferable to a Google alert. It’s still preferable to never knowing. But this is just another reality for donor-conceived people.
A Donor Conceived Adult 