Category: my story

  • Top Secret: When Donor Conceived People Need Security Clearance

    Top Secret: When Donor Conceived People Need Security Clearance

    Little known fact: I wanted to pursue a career in the FBI after law school but my terrible eyesight disqualified me from the outset. But if I had perfect eyesight today, I don’t know that I would even try to apply. I have at least two friends who have been through the security clearance process.

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  • U.S. Donor Conceived Council

    U.S. Donor Conceived Council

    I am pleased to announce my involvement with U.S. Donor Conceived Council, Inc. (USDCC) as vice president of communications. USDCC was established in 2022 and is led entirely by donor conceived people (DCP) who serve on a voluntary basis. Our goal is to educate about issues important to DCPs and to advocate for changes centered

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  • Phone Calls that Don’t Come

    Phone Calls that Don’t Come

    The call no one wants is also the call many donor conceived people never get. Nobody wants the call—the one you get when someone is seriously ill or has died. But for donor-conceived people who can’t find their close genetic relatives or are rejected by them when they do, the dreaded yet important phone calls

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  • A Georgia Bulldog Family

    A Georgia Bulldog Family

    The Georgia Bulldogs are College Football National Champions, and my family is thrilled. I spent my freshman year at UGA before transferring to Miami University (Ohio) to be with my now-husband. But I had never been to a UGA football game–until I identified my biological father. I never shared this photograph publicly until the Dawgs

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  • Unhappy Donor Conceived People Can Still Be Happy People

    Unhappy Donor Conceived People Can Still Be Happy People

    Sometimes people get the idea that donor conceived people who talk about the realities of anonymous donation and secrecy are just a bunch of bitter curmudgeons bereft of any joy in their lives. That’s not true. I have a wonderful life. I’m married to the man I fell in love with in high school when

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  • The Sting of Rejection

    The Sting of Rejection

    Rejection from genetic family feels like being the kid nobody wants on the team. Do you remember the dread in PE when you were about to play a team sport and the students, not the teachers, would pick teams? I sure do. I remember the stress of standing on one side of the imaginary line

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  • (Donor Conceived) Baby’s First Christmas

    (Donor Conceived) Baby’s First Christmas

    Something about the ornaments from my first Christmas hits differently now that I know I am donor conceived. I have no independent memories of the ornaments. Instead I found them while moving my grandmother and mom out of their houses, respectively. I think about what these ornaments must have meant to them as they hung

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  • This Ride is Exhausting

    This Ride is Exhausting

    I was riding high for a couple of weeks. The Atlantic article came out, and in its wake I had doors open for more writing opportunities, podcast interviews, potential collaborations, and more. I was feeling good. Empowered. At peace. I told my therapist I felt as if the grief over my biological father was in

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  • All Siblings Are “Real” Siblings

    All Siblings Are “Real” Siblings

    People do not have to be genetically related to be “real” siblings. People who share a genetic parent are “real” brothers and sisters–even if they never meet or know of each other’s existence. For several weeks I have posted about why “real” is a horrible word to use when describing family. Both raising parents and

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  • We Need Support During the Search

    We Need Support During the Search

    Even if I decide to search, I still want you to be my home. Fear can be brutal, especially as a parent. You love your child and would do anything to protect them. And what could hurt more than losing your child? After my biological father ended our relationship, and after my dad died, my

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